How to Look Good Naked

I wish I had time to watch more tv. I hear about all these wonderful shows but rarely have time to watch them. This week, I finally saw “How to Look Good Naked”. I cried.

It was about a mother and daughter who had body image issues (don’t we all?). The daughter had a young girl. She desperately didn’t want to pass her issues on to her daughter. She wanted to stop it before it affected the next generation. As a mom, I know and I understand that.

I’ve spoken on this blog and in the store about finding your own confidence. “Love your body as it is” are the words I speak. What I feel isn’t always that. Sometimes I do end up at the pool and look at my post-breastfeeding-sagging breasts and wonder what I would look like with perky plastics. I quickly remember that for me, silicone won’t solve the problem. The issue isn’t my boobs. It is that I am comparing myself to an unrealistic image. One I will never be.

More importantly, I don’t want to send a message to my girls (and boys) that they aren’t loveable just as they are.

Obviously, shows like “How to Look Good Naked” are fighting the media images of the ‘perfect woman’. They are fighting a quiet fight to have women accept themselves. At least, I thought it was a quiet fight. The show ended with the mother and daughter walking the catwalk in lingerie in a mall, then showing it all (from behind). What was amazing was the crowd’s reaction. The mall was lined with a thousand of women cheering. No one was commenting on the bits of cellulite that lined their thighs nor booing about their sagging (age appropriate) breasts.

I think every women in the crowd wished they could walk that catwalk. I am guessing that every woman was praying that society would drop the ‘perfect body’ and accept us as we are. I wish I could walk that catwalk and not care if I were judged.

I cried because my four year old asks me how to put on make-up. I wear very little make up but she sees it. She wants to emulate me.

I will continue to fight my not so quiet fight for women with big boob, little boob, saggy boobs, big hips, little hips, no bum, big bum, cellulite, lumps, bumps and bones. I will not ‘look good naked’. Not today. I’m not ready. But I commit to feeling better naked. I need to readjusting my compass and point it towards a better self-accepting me.

Cheap Knock-offs

About ¾ of our Halloween stock has arrived. We are so excited to share it with Calgary. For those of you who’ve been in the store before, you’ll know we work hard to keep our prices down. We’ve succeeded and kept our quality promise to you.

I feel I need to point out that we carry only genuine costumes. We order directly from Leg Avenue, Shirley, Rubies and BeWicked. The reason I am pointing this out is because last year, a major company took one of the above suppliers designs and sent the specs off to China. While the costumes looked similar, their fit and material was very poor. I understand that there are lawsuits etc. For the average consumer it is hard to sort out what is quality and what isn’t, that is until you wear the costume, then the poor fit and workmanship is clear. These costumes were sold openly in temporary costume stores around the city.

The net is now full of knock offs too. On a daily basis, I get emails from Chinese companies who can supply me with the ‘same’ costumes for less. I lived in Hong Kong for almost 10 years. I know China is capable of incredible quality. It also, when given the choice, will deliver the cheapest product possible.

I will be the first to admit, the genuine costume costs more. We choose to carry only costumes that we can stand behind.

Size 18 and Disappointed

Dear Size 18 and Disappointed,

I appreciate your feedback. Firstly, we are not a plus size lingerie store. We are a lingerie store that believes every body is beautifiul. On a daily basis, we have women walk in and ask where our ‘plus section’ is. We don’t have one nor do we have a skinny section or a big boob section. We believe that every body is beautiful, so the ‘plus’ lingerie is racked with the rest of our products. My staff can help you navigate the store and find what will fit best on your body.

Admittedly, I did make a mistake because my computer doesn’t differentiate plus from regular and, therefore, many of the pictures show Hollywood size models when uploaded to the web. I have been meaning to seek out plus size pictures of the same garments or take them myself. We have been very busy and there is only so much I can do. (I also have 4 kids and try to balance my life as well as I can.) It is on my list of ‘to do’s’ and your letter has lifted it to a higher priority.

I should also point out that I manufacture steel and spiral bone 4-layer satin corsets. The styles that flatter curvier bodies, we make up to size 3x. I haven’t had an opportunity to upload those to the web.

We probably do have about 15 plus size items in addition to our corsets. I will say, without hesitation, that I have the largest selection of sexy plus size lingerie in Calgary.

At one point, I did have more items. I discontinued a number of the items because, very simply put, many size 18’s require a different shape than a size 2. I found that the material and support of the garments didn’t flatter anyone. Many of those items are available on other websites. They look good in pictures but honestly don’t fit a lot of bodies.

I just won’t bring in crap just to fill out my shelves. Any day, I would rather have 10 well fitted pieces than 30 crappy ones.

I know it is quite easy to criticize my apparent lack of selection but I do on a daily basis look for more high quality plus size lingerie. Let me assure you, it is not an easy task. Most companies do not make plus size lingerie (bras yes, lingerie no). Some think it harms their image, while others believe it is just not profitable enough. The honest truth is, plus size lingerie is not profitable. While you are demanding it, you are in the minority. It sits on our racks 10 times longer than our regular sizes. That being said, I do believe in what we do and what Pink Ginger stands for. We carry it only because it is part of who we are.

That all being said, I have 5 new items coming in later this week and I found a new company out of Paris. I am looking forward to seeing how the new items fit. If they fit and flatter, you’ll see them regularly on my racks. If they don’t, they’ll be making a one time appearance.

I do hope you chose to come visit us. I know that others have found things that fit well and have walked away happy.

Every day we get better.

Sincerely,

Sue

Feedback: Hi,

I found out about your store from an ad on Facebook. I im mediately got incredibly excited-Oh my god, a PLUS size lingerie store? Really? Woo Hoo! I thought my sexy days were over and gone. So, I decided to check out the site. Talk about disappointment!!! All except a small handful of models were skinny, model types with perfect bodies. And even worse, once I started checking out the sizes, almost everything only went to XL. Seeing as an XL is usually only about a size 14, what happened to the rest of the PLUS sizes that you reportedly carry? I found less than 10 items that went above XL into XXL,2x, 3x,etc. What a limited choice for those of us who don't fall into your version of a "Plus" size! I was thinking about coming down to the store to look in person, but why bother-as a size 18,there's almost no choice. Also, some of the descriptions on the garments say " If you are above a D cup, we suggest moving to the next size up" And yet, those garments only go to XL! Now, as a plus size gal, chances are most of us are already at or past a D cup.....how are we supposed to go up a size if your sizing only goes to XL?

So now I'm left wondering.....if you don't actually carry many plus sizes of lingerie/corsets/bustiers, etc., and all your photos are of skinny magazine models, then how can you bill yourselves as a Plus size lingerie store?

Signed,

Size 18 and Disappointed

What you see and hear depends a good deal on where you are standing; it also depends on what sort of person you are. -- C. S. Lewis.

This is from A Little More Interestings Blog, but definitely relevant.

I received feedback from someone that she felt she would be judged in my store because she had a good body and was pretty. She also judged me harshly for the words I have said about Brian. I don’t take it lightly and apologize if she feels like she would be judged. It was never my intent to make anyone feel judged.

I have been very outspoken on accepting your body as it comes. I have done my best to get through what Brian did to me and my kids.

We do spend a lot of time in here, and more often in Pink Ginger, talking about judgment.

The fact is, while we try our best to accept people for who they are and what they do, we do judge. We are human. I’ve found myself judging people not on their bodies, sex, preferences etc. but on their attitude. I tend to like positive people. I tend to dislike those who treat me or the staff like crap. I find myself feeling sorry for those who pick their bodies apart or make comments about those who are too fat or too thin.

When I feed badly, admittedly, my defenses go up and I do find myself judging. I catch myself and try to identify with them as opposed to judge them. I always keep in mind this quote:

It's not a slam at you when people are rude, it's a slam at the people they've met before. - F. Scott Fitzgerald

I take that quote further. I realize that any glimpse I see of anyone is just a moment in time. I have no idea what life they’ve lead. I can’t judge anyone because I haven’t walked in their shoes.

That all being said, we talk in Pink Ginger about not caring what the world says. We talk about being comfortable in your own skin. We all come in different shapes and sizes and, if we focus on how the world is judging us, we would be consumed.

I am far from perfect. At one time in my life, I did very much care how people viewed me. I don’t anymore. I don’t have time for that and it never puts me in a positive place.

I walk this earth doing the best I can with the tools I’ve been given. (Forgiving myself for not being perfect has been one of my biggest challenges.) If someone feels the need to judge me for my body, for Brian and my relationship, for what I say / don’t say etc., then that’s okay. Everyone is welcome to their opinion. However:

Be assured that if you knew all, you would pardon all.

-- Thomas A. Kempis.

My New Underwear is Rags

I’ve blogged before that my pup is eating my underwear. More than a week ago, I grabbed some new underwear from Pink Ginger and was in love. I felt sexy.

I felt so sexy that the next time I was in the mall, I bought more underwear. A big mall lingerie chain had a sale on: 10 pair for $25. Wow, what a deal, I thought. I can’t even come anywhere close to that when I buy my underwear at cost. This is my lucky day!

My twin 5 year old boys helped me pick out the prettiest underwear. “Mommy, you’ll look so pretty in these but do they have any with StarWars characters on them?” (No, they didn’t but if they did, that would probably turn on Brian beyond belief!)

I bought ten pair of underwear. I took them home and washed them immediately. (My nanny has a firm belief that they put so many chemicals on clothing that she won’t allow anyone to wear clothing before it has been washed.) I was so sad when I pulled my new underwear out of the wash. It wasn’t quite rags, but it certainly didn’t look anything like it did when I first bought it.

I’ve been buying my underwear in here for a while now and most of it, the ones the dog hasn’t eaten, still look good. I talk about quality all the time, and I hear from people that the L stores don’t have good quality, but I had to really try it for myself.

I’m not out to knock those stores. They provide an okay product at an okay price. I get that not everyone wants to pay $6 - $32 on underwear. However, after my recent experience, I won’t do the cheap thing again. It just isn’t worth it for me.

My sexy went to sad. The good news is that I now have ‘period panties’ again.

New Panites

I’m wearing new underwear. Time to celebrate? Maybe my husband thinks so.

The fact is that we have a new puppy who has taken to eating my underwear. Every day she finds some in the wash or drawer or somewhere. Now that I think about it, perhaps Brian has trained her to eat all my unsexies. So, I begrudgingly bought myself some new sexies.

A few weeks ago, Brian finally spoke up. He said that there is no such thing as ‘period panties’. I am far more aware of my undies now days, but I didn’t realize that he’d been noticing my undies to that extent.

I just feel sexy today. No one knows what I’m wearing (and yes, I realize, most people just don’t care  ). The nice underwear is for me. I know that they are there. They are my little secret. Maybe later, I’ll let Brian in on the secret, but until then, I sit here and giggle to myself! Ha!

I am sexy today. Yeah. Now, off to celbrate the last day of kindergarten with the kids. Totally unsexy thing to do, but in my mind, I'll be the sexiest mom in the room.

That’s what I love about lingerie. It changes the way we feel!

Making the Effort

I rarely watch tv, but the other night, I was flipping through the channels. I landed on the Comedy Network. The comedian was talking about how his wife once wore thong underwear but after years of marriage wore ‘white panel things’. She complained ‘where’s the romance’. He quipped ‘in your underwear drawer’.

A couple years ago, that comment would have ticked me off. Why should she have to wear a thong to be attractive to her partner? The truth is, she doesn’t. However, most of us, when we are dating, put in a real effort. We dress up nicely. We wear clean underwear. We don’t define Costco undies as sexy...and we definitely wouldn’t be caught dead in ‘shapewear’.

I tend to get a lot of people in the store in ‘new’ relationships. They are having fun and just want to feel sexy. The ‘play’ in their relationship is still there.

I know how easy it is to become comfortable. I mean, not to be crude, but the first time you can fart and not die of utter embarrassment is ... well.... good. There is a wonderful peace that comes with that level of comfort. However, it can go too far.

I have to tell you: I buy underwear at Costco. Not all my underwear, but my ‘period panties’ are definitely comfortable. One day, my husband pointed out that most of my underwear was ‘period panties’. He was right. I had gone too far. I know he loves me and doesn’t judge me for my underwear but it was a sign that we weren’t making the same effort as we once did.

So, I would challenge everyone to make a small effort. A small effort is better than no effort.

Once I was Beautiful, Now I'm Me

It’s amazing to see the power of the web. People link to us from around the world. I don’t often get a chance to go back and see where the links come from, but last night I had a minute, so I traced back a link. It was to a woman’s blog down in the states. The title of her blog was “Once I was Beautiful and Now I’m Me”. I didn’t have time to read her blog.

This morning, I was still thinking about those words. 10 years ago, I was battling myself. I’d have to say, I didn’t get too carried away because I always had a quiet acceptance of who I was. That being said, I was definitely prettier and youthful. I didn’t carry the battle scars of birthing four beautiful children. I didn’t have the lines on my forehead, or the subtle grey hairs which I’ve noticed recently.

Today, I am me. I feel quite grounded in who I am. I’d rather be me, than fighting for ‘Hollywood Beautiful’. Yah, I still have those bad days. I have the days that I think …if I was better…if I was botoxed… but at the end of the day, I refuse to spend an unreasonable amount of time worrying about food, weight, wrinkles or grey hairs.

And you know what? As I’ve accepted myself, I’ve also accepted others. In Pink Ginger, we really celebrate and appreciate natural body shapes and understand that physical appearance says very little about who people are, about their character or their value as a person.

We struggle in the store. We refuse to perpetuate the “Hollywood Beauty” but even the images of lingerie we have on our website are fake-breasted airbrushed models.

I get asked often about boob jobs by women, particularly after they’ve had kids. I see a number of boob jobs. (Again, we do have great lingerie, so we’ll see an escort in the store about once a week. And yes, boob jobs seem to be a requirement for the job.) Plastic boobs just don’t do it for me. If we ever watch porn, we choose ones where the girls are real.

My answer to the women, particularly mom’s, is that I don’t like boob jobs. Very very few don’t look fake. I also rarely see a set of new boobs actually improve body image over the longer term. Generally, they were looking to fix a problem that surgery couldn’t fix.

More importantly, I always worry about the message we send out to our daughters. If your daughter was 17 and wasn’t busty enough and had a floppy tummy, would you suggest she go in for a set of boobs and tummy tuck? I wouldn’t. Getting your boobs done sends a message that our bodies aren’t good enough. I want my babes to love themselves and their bodies…just as they are. I want to let my girls just be who they are.

So, this week, I would encourage everyone to “just be me”. Funny enough, you may just see a new definition emerge.

Oh, yah, and did I mention sex is just that much better when you feel great about yourself?

Kids Learn Too Much From Us

I have been given a beautiful gift. I actually accept and like my body (most of the time). Do I feel a bit badly when I am interviewed by a size zero tv host? Of course I do, but the fact of the matter is that I have been given this body and need to enjoy my life. When I allow myself to be consumed by the fact that I am not a size zero (and haven’t been since I was 12), I can’t enjoy my kids and my life in the way I should.

As you read my blogs, you’ll quickly find out that my kids are my life. I spent New Year’s Day with friends. We are all mommies of young kids, and on the first day of the year, when you can hope for the world, we all hoped that our kids could float through life without pain. That clearly won’t happen. At one of the private schools in the area, the kindergarten girls won’t wear puffy jackets because ‘they look fat’. Imagine, in kindergarten, “fat” is already an insult and one that affects how the girls’ dress.

In the lingerie store, I see the most beautiful women, of all sizes and shapes, pick themselves apart. My friend Kim (www.mommyweardaily.com) sees the same things when she styles women. In all honesty, we agree, our jobs are very therapeutic. You can’t tell women that is about accepting your own skin, dressing appropriately for your body, and taking the time to enjoy life, without a bit of it rubbing off on you. What makes me sad (and speaking without permission for Kim) is that women are comparing themselves to the ‘Hollywood’ body. Let me be clear, I have yet to see a ‘Hollywood’. No one is perfect but everyone has their beauty.

Why I am writing my blog is because Kim and I are working on a project together. During our conversation today, she said, “How can a mommy teach their kids self esteem when she picks herself apart. The mommies need to fix themselves first.” It is such an obvious statement, but until she said it, I didn’t realize the impact our body image can have on our kiddos.

My three year old daughter matches the colour of her underwear to mine every morning. Today, she took my nail polish and made herself look like a ‘mommy’. (I am still calming down because she also painted the carpet in her room!) That little girl sees and mimics so much of what I do. I tell her that she’s beautiful and that her body will carry her gracefully through life. However if I spend my evenings in the mirror picking myself apart, that’s all she’ll learn. Any words I say will be overshadowed by my actions.

More than anything, I want my daughter to walk into kindergarten in the biggest puffiest jacket. If they call her fat, she can tell them, without anger, that’s she’s not fat, she’s simply dressing warmly.

As a parent, I have a great responsibility to live my life positively as my kids learn from my actions. Like anyone else, I have my ‘fat’ days. On those days, I stand before the mirror, and as I begin to pick apart my body, I stop myself. I force myself to make a mental list of my strengths (and I actually do have many) and think about how my body helped me achieve my successes.

Stopping the negative self talk sounds dumb but only by quieting that chatter, was I able to change me. When I hear my daughter say that she doesn’t like her hair (which she cut by herself last week), I can sit down and tell her honestly that sometimes mommy doesn’t like things about herself. Now, I also can sit with her and tell her that when I get sad, I tell myself that I’m a good mommy and I was pretty good at school etc. Then, Gracie and I sit down and talk about the things she’s good at too – and at three, she’s learning a skill that I only learned at 30+.

I Hated Lingerie